THAT’S BOLD OF YOU by Case Kenny. This is a lighthearted read that assists the reader in ways to thrive as your most vibrant, weird, and real self!

My favorite excerpts are below: 

There truly is no greater victory in life than becoming yourself- the fiery, intelligent, driven, curious, intense, and caring person you are. That uniqueness is your superpower, and it’s what drives the right people, the right job, and the right opportunities to you. That uniqueness should be your guiding star.

 

It challenges you, the reader, to stand in front of a mirror and ask yourself: “ Who am I?”  “What parts of me do I keep hidden? Why am I watering myself down? WHY am I hiding the best, unique, and boldest parts of who I am? And then to think about how you might live life differently. 

 

This book is about asking yourself WHY You’ve been hiding your “ extra”,  your “ good crazy”,  your “ too much”-  the part of you that speaks loudly and clearly to your uniqueness and your willingness to express it in all its forms.

 

There is no substitute for the joy and empowerment that comes from unearthing the real YOU.

 

 perhaps you may have many things you’re grateful for and your “ doing your thing” e.g.  job, friends, interest, but you’ve realized you’re not really doing YOUR  thing.

 

 It’s time to step away from what you’ve been told, the judgments, and labels you’re afraid you’ll be given. 

 

We’re going to spend some time making sense of our memories and asking ourselves WHY… and then we’re going to lean forward and start living our best lives built on the foundation of being “ too much”. 

 

To embrace our most vibrant, weird, and real selves we must unlearn assumptions, desires, and conditioning. Things like “I am too much” and “My vulnerability is not attractive”. 

 

Let’s move past the social mentality of always trying to appear cool, realistic, in control, nonchalant, or carefree. who exactly does that serve? it definitely doesn’t serve you- to numb yourself to how you feel, to water down what you want to say or do and it certainly doesn’t serve the people around you- does the world really need more “ too cool for school”  people or people living half-truths?

 

Let’s rebrand “ too much” in a healthy way that shows you’re in the driver’s seat of your life. I’m talking about rebranding being “too much”  as a good thing. A great thing. 

 

This book is about exploring how we can all benefit from finding and honoring “too much”  instead of doubting or hiding it.

 

We’re going to embrace being “ too much”.

 

 You’re only “ too much” for people who aren’t enough for you.

 

Kintsugi or “golden scars” Is a practice of filling cracks with gold fillings.

 

Vulnerability is “an authentic and intentional willingness to be open to uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure and social situations in spite of fears”. Vulnerability is willingness to be “too much”.

 

Why are we of a mindset that says, I want to experience your vulnerability, but I don’t want to be vulnerable?  I’m drawn to your vulnerability, but repelled by mine?” Why do we revert to thinking and judging from a mindset that says, “Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me.”

 

Why do we apparently value vulnerability in other people, but we’re overly critical of it in ourselves? 

 

There is Beauty in your vulnerability. 

 

Superpowers:

• kindness

•  empathy

•  motivated/stubborn

•  incredibly optimistic

•  being weird

•  someone who isn’t afraid of embarrassing him or herself

 

You are wired to be kind, empathetic, driven, curious, bold, and with high standards. Don’t let the world rewire you. 

You know what’s attractive? Someone who believes in their “extra”.  humble but confident, soulful but funny… someone who takes the last slice of pizza, knows what they bring to the table, and says “goodbye”  to anyone who doesn’t see their worth. 

 

Care less and you have the power. Care less and you win.  Care less because that protects you. Sound familiar?  That is absolutely ridiculous advice. What a lame, passive, defeated, and low energy way to live your life! 

 

If you don’t care, then an outcome can’t hurt you. There’s no attachment and therefore, no hurt. Disappointment can’t hurt you. Rejection can’t hurt you. Think about what living with a preservation mentality really looks like. Is it preservation like we say, or is it a fear-based response? 

 

We care less to protect ourselves because we’ve learned in the past that caring can be painful. We care less because we don’t want to experience those things again. We care less as a means to take back our power. But it isn’t that the opposite of taking your power back? 

 

We need to establish a new standard for ourselves that says caring is the ultimate sign you’re in control in your life. 

 

I want to encourage you and me to recognize that it’s human and it’s okay to want to protect ourselves.

 

Caring first or caring more is a win/win. If your honesty, you’re eagerness, or your vulnerability makes someone think you’re desperate and that’s a turn off for them, you just dodged a major bullet. 

 

Why would you even consider hiding yourself in order to win someone over?

 

Ego is the enemy of compassion.  The “I can handle it” side to Your ego is powerfully compassionate. It’s powerfully empathetic. This side of your ego is what leads you to do more, love more, and care more because it reminds you that you can handle any outcome that comes from being too much. 

 

 You deserve to know that your energy, your soul, and your intention are rare. 

 

When you come by your ego with the willingness to be vulnerable, you’re an unstoppable, compassionate, hopeful, caring force. Your ego inspires you to say how you really feel. Your ego inspires you to be the one to go left when everyone else goes right. Be the one who tries. Because you care. 

 

You have a beautiful heart, kind energy, a powerful voice, passion, and pizazz for a reason. 

 

At their core, Rescuers desire to help others reflects a deep-seeded desire to belong and to be validated. As a result, they’re worth comes from how much they can give and give and give, and they tend to avoid their own Feelings by focusing on others. 

 

According to the drama triangle theory, this behavior is born during childhood and upbringing. a rescuer usually inherit “ I can fix you”  mentality as a result of being smothered by parents, not having been given the leeway to lean into their own self-care, or not having been given Independence or much freedom to love themselves. “ I can fix you. I can help you. I can save you”.  at best, it can become a distraction from one’s own problems, and at worst, it can become a manipulation tactic.

 

Fear of abandonment, lack of love and self-love presents itself in the victim, which leads to feeling permanently unworthy. The victim neglects self-awareness and self love. They distract themselves from their own abilities by assuming they are totally unfixable, broken, or unlovable.  This conditioning is also rooted in childhood.  If you feel like you are the victim, learn to go within. Show yourself that you are powerful.

 

In order to step into your most bold and authentic self, we must challenge how we’ve gotten to a point where our most bold and authentic self is hidden beneath the routine of conditioned behavior.

 

 What in your upbringing conditioned to these responses?   What is the weight you carry with you in your adult life that you learned in your childhood?

 

Your story doesn’t need to look like everyone else’s. Speak your mind, smile, laugh, dream, be curious, and chase your own vibrant version of  life. 

 

Choose yourself. Choosing yourself means loving yourself and proving it. 

* Emphasis on the proving it.*

 

Choosing yourself requires vulnerability and as we’ve covered, that’s attractive. It means you no longer give away your energy unnecessarily. 

 

Choosing yourself means you stop pretending you like someone or something when you really don’t. Choosing yourself is how you take your power back in life. 

 

Anyone who thinks you’re too much for them isn’t enough for you.

 

 The things we desire and the person we desire to be, as much as we might disagree, are the result of social conditioning.  Memetic theory is a social concept which defines the WHY behind our desires in life. The conclusion from it is that we rarely desire anything independent of the influence of other people. Our desires are largely memetic- defined by imitating what other people want and desire. The conclusion of the writing and research is that we look almost entirely to other people for models of what we should want. It’s built into the very fiber of our being, and we rarely realize it. 

 

We’d be remiss to not ask the most basic of questions: “ what do YOU want?”  Not what you’ve been told to want…. not what has been modeled for you… not what you’ve been conditioned to view as “right”.  What do YOU want?  If you could wipe the slate clean of all the models you’ve been imitating, how would you answer that question? 

 

“ What DON’T I want to regret in my life?

 

You can be a kind person and still show people how you expect to be treated.  When you hold back, pretend, or hide yourself… you’re telling people that you don’t need more AND  you’re attracting those kinds of people into your life. 

 

You’re making the fake version of you easier to love, and in the process, you’re making the real version of you harder to love. We think not speaking up makes it easier for other people to love us, but in reality, it just trains them that we don’t have needs. How does pretending or watering yourself down serve anyone? 

 

How is someone supposed to know your boundaries unless you tell them? How is someone supposed to know how you want to be loved unless you tell them?  

 

The words you don’t say hold you back more than the honesty you’re capable of leading with. 

 

Saying,”Here’s what I need.”  Not demanding it. Not giving ultimatums. Simply saying, “ Here I am. Here’s what I’ve learned I need. What do you think?”  When that’s your mentality, you literally can’t lose in the long term. You either experience short-term pain in the form of someone who either doesn’t want it or who can’t offer what you need. Or you find someone who, right off the back, gets to the core of who you are and can offer you what you need. 

 

You’re only “unrealistic” for someone who wants to keep you on their same level. you’re only “difficult” for someone who’s always used to getting their way. 

You’re only “stubborn” for someone who wants your standards to be negotiable. You’re only “dramatic” for someone who is uncomfortable with honesty. 

 

Embrace what makes you weird…

 

Someone else’s opinion of you is ALWAYS  lacking in some way and therefore, it always holds less value than your own. Yes, their opinion of me matters, but it doesn’t hold more value than my own opinion of myself. Someone’s opinion of you is not your reality. It’s their reality. 

 

How are you going to let someone else’s opinion of you supersede your own? How are you going to let someone who rejected you change your own opinion of you? 

 

Misogi- A Japanese word that literally  translates to “ water cleansing”  and it describes a tradition where one cleanses their body and ice cold waterfall water. “ This is for me. Other people might not understand it, other people might judge and ridicule it, but this is for me.” 

 

Separate what is expected of you from what is true to you.

 

“It is not happiness that brings us gratitude, it is gratitude that brings us happiness”. 

 

If you’re living your life- no matter your age, status, life stage,- and you still chase curiosity, you do what interests you, you say what’s on your mind, you’re willing to speak up, you’re willing to try something new, you’re okay with being a beginner again, you laugh when something is funny, you cry when something is sad, you go to therapy, You’re inspired by life around… then you’re doing better than you think. 

 

What makes finally finding your soulmate and being comforted by their permanence and compatibility is the contrast from your past.  We want a partner who has a sense of humor… because we’ve experienced someone who didn’t. We want a person who understands us… because we’ve experienced someone who doesn’t. We want a job that is rewarding… because we’ve experienced a job that isn’t. 

 

Healing is not allowing a past chapter to be the end of your story. Healing is no longer accepting crumbs because you deserve the whole bakery.

 

Think about a time when you were hurt by someone. Maybe it was with your family and your effort was never enough or you never felt your parents were proud of you?  Now fast forward to today. Consider the things you do- the habits and practices you live that speak to your worth. You stand up for yourself. You speak up when you have something to say. You disagree with someone when you know they’re wrong. You act on your intention when you get a bad vibe from someone. You call someone out when they’re being disingenuous.  You’re willing to say no. You ask for something you want. How do you think those practices came about? You didn’t just wake up and start doing those things one random day. 

 

To realize that the people who end up creating the most fulfilling, rewarding, and happy lives for themselves are those who are willing to start over as many times as needed. 

 

“When you start over, you’re not starting from zero, you’re not starting from scratch… you’re starting over from experience.”

 

Let’s remind ourselves of the concept of “ points”.  Those “awkward points”  describe your ability to do something awkward, challenging, embarrassing, out of your comfort zone.. and each time you do, you get an awkward point. And eventually you keep doing that and you’re like,” Wow! I have 50 points”  and you cash that in for confidence because your confidence was built through the experiences that show you those things didn’t change you at all- they didn’t change your worth, rejection didn’t change you, and embarrassment didn’t change you. through those experiences, you created confidence for yourself. Those points add up, and the scary, awkward, vulnerable experiences that came from them gave you the foundation for the mentality you want- confidence, self-worth, higher standards. It’s the same exact mentality when it comes to starting over. When you decide to start over, you’re taking all the points you accrued up to that point and you’re bringing them with you. when you start over, You’re not starting from zero. You’re not leaving those points behind. You’re bringing them with you. 

 

Starting over is you: “ I can’t cash those experiences in here. I can’t cash these points in for happiness with this person. I can’t cash them in for success and fulfillment with this job. I can’t cash them in for confidence with these habits. I can’t cash them in for happiness here in this place. BUT  I can move to another place, another person, another job, or another Habit and cash them in there. I’m bringing them with me.” 

 

You’re a radiant disco ball of energy. You’re a part-time unicorn, part-time human. With each passing day, you’re smarter, funnier, and more dazzling. Please don’t forget that. 

 

“The Perpetual People Pleasers” are ones who make decisions out of fear of letting other people down. But to free yourself from negative comparison, we have to be willing to let other people down in life. We have to be willing to disappoint other people. It’s okay to let someone else down in life. In fact, I think if you’re not disappointing some people in your life… you’re not living a life that is true to you. 

 

Change is a requirement for growth. Change is what happens when you start being true to yourself. And inevitably, those changes are going to alter your relationships. You’re going to find yourself moving away from certain people and towards others. To be bold, you have to be willing to let go of people, habits, experiences, and places that no longer support the realest version of yourself. To be bold, you have to change. 

 

If you allow those changes to happen, you’re going to disappoint some people. But if you’re a Perpetual people pleaser and you’re living a mentality that says, “ I don’t want to let anyone down,” you’re literally blocking those changes. 

 

Inherent in growth is letting people down who no longer fit your vision for life. 

 

You’re not missing out on anything when you’re busy upgrading yourself and your standards. 

 

If you’ve ever wondered what hot, smart, and worthy look like in one person, just look in the mirror. 

The next time you get an incoming feeling where you feel anxious, insecure, doubtful, or unworthy… Say, “ I’m going to pause. Before I say this is who I am, before I make a conclusion about my potential based on this feeling… I’m going to question it.”  When you do, you’ll realize that you can feel anxious, but it doesn’t mean you’re falling behind. You can feel unworthy, but that’s just because someone- one person or two people- didn’t see what you bring to the table. And that’s their loss. You can feel like you’re lost, but it doesn’t mean you can’t find your stride… like tomorrow.  Compare those feelings to the facts you know to be true. 

To get a copy of the book, click HERE!

Yum